Humba-Jumba
Necessity
In a corner of
the universe there was a galaxy, a bright and beautiful galaxy, and in this
galaxy there was a solar system with a single planet. The planet was a
beautiful spinning sphere, with an average temperature of seven times the
boiling point of water. It was inhabited by a race of living beings called
humba.
The humba's
civilization was based on matter. Its material building blocks were elementary
subatomic particles. The humbas and their civilization developed in accordance
with the laws of nature. They were governed by the categories of time and
space. They unerringly obeyed the principle of cause and effect. Thus, they
were programmed and determined. But
these creatures were not aware of such programming, because they were infused
with motives. The motives were felt as desires, and resulted in passionate
action. The humba was a sentient, rational being, capable of compassion and
love.
In a corner of
the beautiful planet there was a humba being named Cohentis. It was working in
the plain of pain, the hooks on its mechanical limbs squeezing, turning,
releasing. "Oh, it's hot today," Cohentis said. "I really need
some himba-imba." With its three great jointed levers it lifted itself
from the spongy surface, jerked forward, and made its way to the himba oasis.
Drawing up to the bubbling pool, it lowered its frontal appendage into the
himba, and began to suck fervently. The gray goo liquid was sucked up into its
appendage, swishing and spluttering. For the first few seconds only, Cohentis
was happy, gloriously and deliriously happy, but then it became aware of the
thoughts that were circulating in its mind. 'Oh, how great, how great I am,' it
thought as it sucked.
'Strange,'
Cohentis mused, 'What does my greatness have to do
with this himba?' The pleasure evaporated instantly when Cohentis ceased to
contemplate its greatness. It was only when he entertained fantasies about his
greatness that the himba tasted so good. This was the only way it could enjoy
the himba. 'Why is this so?' it wondered. 'What is so special about what I am
doing? Everyone drinks the himba.' Reflecting on this, Cohentis was miserable.
But it soon submerged again into the pleasure of the himba, and as the
enjoyment returned, so did the thought, 'Oh, how wonderful I am.'
As its thirst was
quenched, Cohentis noticed another thought passing through its mind: desire for
another humba being. And it wondered: 'Why is it that I'm irresistibly
attracted to every hissing jimba-jumba with purple hair? All day long in the
hivy-ivy, I'm confronted with one after another. There is never any rest. Where
is there peace?'
Just then Cohentis noticed a fleeting image reflected on the himba pool, and, rotating its eye, saw that Elensis was lumbering by. Instantaneously Cohentis lost all interest in the himba. It self-consciously washed its nether parts with its multi-jointed hook, and brushed its hairy fungiles into place. It then headed towards Elensis, who had turned towards it. As they approached each other they moved faster and faster. The levers and wheels turned, they clicked and hummed. Hydraulic lines went off, one after the other, in a syncopated rhythm. Elensis was swaying forward with a wild look in its eye. They were flying straight towards each other. They met, crashing, holding tight with their three appendages, twirling each other around. Metal struts struck each other. Sparks flew, flames grew.
Hajumba,
hajimba,
Let's
make this match athinga.
I love
the magic mimba,
That mystic mortal mimba.
For the first
instant of their embrace, the sensation was beautiful. It was connection. It
was romance. Cohentis was gloriously and deliriously happy. But it watched as
the wheels turned in its mind. 'How desirable this jimba-jumba is,' it
thought. 'And how
great I am to be the one that is embracing it.' This idea went hook in
hook with the pleasure of the mimba. As soon as the thought about greatness
stopped, the pleasure stopped. The two separate things were intrinsically
linked.
As Cohentis caressed
Elensis, it mused on these thoughts. Why was it created in a way that made it
glorify itself every time it got close to something or someone? Was it
programmed to respond in this way? Furthermore, what made it instantly
dissatisfied when it reached its object, set in motion in the search of
something new? Just before sleep Cohentis had to think, 'Oh, how great I am.'
If it did not do so, it could not fall asleep. Each time it looked at another
humba being, it had to think, 'I wonder what I can gain from this object?' This
ceaseless activity of self-glorification was its first and last sentiment each
day. It was the origin and the end of its life. 'Yes, my ego is fixed at every
point of space and time,' Cohentis thought. 'I am a miserable creature.'
Elensis must have
sensed the struggle going on within Cohentis, because it drew back, shaking its
solenoid and putting its transmission into reverse in order to drive away the
rapture. It looked up compassionately. "You are never at rest, dear,"
Elensis said. "You are always in motion. You are not at peace."
"Labibba,
labubba," Cohentis said. "The mimba is great, but I really gotta go,
gotta mo-jo."
Elensis looked
curiously at Cohentis. "Don't you realize that we get two credits for each
mimba? Two permanent marks that go down in the book of
life?"
"Sometimes I
think that a mad computer scientist wrote the book of life," Cohentis
responded. "The rapture of the mimba is powerful, but it is also a kind of
hypnosis. Is it something that I chose freely, or is it chosen for me? And how
can I know the difference? Can I stand on my own three pods, without any
support? What would it take?"
"You're
circuits are overheating," Elensis said. "In order to be free of the
life-book, all influences would have to be overcome. It would mean annulling
the principle of cause and effect. That's impossible. You must learn to relax,
and enjoy the great gift of living here on this planet. The mimba is wonderful.
We should do whatever it takes to get the two credits." Hissing seductively,
antennas undulating, Elensis leaned forward. Their struts struck each other.
Cohentis tried to
relax, but found that it was pumping in short, irrational gasps. The wheels in
its mind were already spinning. Its nobule head was heavy, confused. The
pressure was building. "Labibba, labubba, Elensis, I really gotta go,
gotta mo-jo, gotta he-haw, gotta la la la. This is too much for me. What I
really want is the jumba. Just the jumba." And,
having thought this, it was unable to think of anything else. It pulled away
from Elensis. "I'm sorry,'' it said.
Elensis rattled
its grasping mechanism. "You are so easily obsessed," it said. "And so easily satiated. I thought you wanted to be
free."
Turning away, Cohentis set off, hopping and bumping full speed
forward. It bypassed the pond of fond, the trees of ease. When it
reached the summit of the hill of ill the sun was already setting. The air was
cool, just six times the boiling point of water. The moons were great white
circles pouring light onto the land. Cohentis' mind also was full, pouring forth
fantasies. Below, it could see hundreds of humbas pressed together, and it
could hear the beating of the thumba.
Cohentis
scampered down the hill. It stepped onto the bubbling hoo-joo gas, and was
engulfed by a humba tide. Nether appendages lifted high, antennas raised, each
hob-joint stretched out to its tautest length, the humba beings coalesced into
a single entity. As they moved, their suckers sucked up the goo and sprayed it
into the air. Cohentis was assimilated into the crazy rhythm. It twirled and
whirled, swooped and swooned, swept up in the mesmerizing, frenzied,
intoxicating dance.
Humba-mumba,
The gleeful, lethal jumba.
I love
the thumping thumba,
That jiving jaunty jumba.
For the first few
seconds, Cohentis was happy, gloriously and deliriously happy, but then it
became aware of the thoughts that were cruising through its mind. Unbeknownst
to itself, it had been reciting the words, 'How wonderful this jumba is. And how great I am to be an integral part of it. Oh, how
great I am.' This enlargement of his own ego was
painful. It was like blowing into a ho-jo: unless one constantly breathes into
it, it deflates.
When it realized
this, Cohentis was deflated, driven asunder from the jumba, its self-serving
thoughts ground to a full stop. Its self-glorification was fully revealed, an
obscenely flaunting and false immodesty. It stood in the midst of the throbbing
mass, ashamed and exposed. Isolated in that massive movement of unity, it was
an alien being.
Cohentis stumbled
towards the edge of the crowd, and then moved towards a group of titanium
trees, falling back against a tree trunk. 'I am alone, utterly alone,' Cohentis
said to itself. 'I am totally separate, isolated, tortured by desire, passion,
love, and hope.'
Cohentis stood
still, absolutely still. Its flywheel, set in motion
at birth, endlessly turning round and round, slowed. A screw stripped, a spring
popped. It clicked, once, twice, thrice, and came to a stop. Its thought
processes were mutating, transforming. They switched, rotated, shifted. The
endlessly repeating mantra fell silent. It did not contemplate its greatness.
It did not fall back into ego or rapture.
Cohentis listened
to the rhythmic chanting and beating, but was not engulfed by it. The programmed
response was deactivated. The principle of cause and effect was annulled.
There was a strange openness to something different. 'What is this?' Cohentis wondered. 'I have never
felt like this before. It is totally new.' It brushed back the tinkling metallic
leaves, watching the thumping natural ecstasy of the jumba. Unaffected, it
shook its nobule head, and emerged from the titanium grove.