more about
deep relationships
The Beautiful Factor
“I love you.”
Yes, you care, but how deeply? What is the quality of your care?
“I am very attracted to you.”
No, let our relation be motivated initially and primarily by perception of the
eternal.
“But I want you, and I want you now.”
Your vision of what is best in the relation is too small! You don’t have
to find a soul mate. Our relationship can have infinite significance.
“But you are going this way, and I am going the other.”
Then let this one minute be infused with illimitable meaning.
What is ‘falling’ in love? On the way down, the attraction is twisting.
As I fall deep into the well, I grasp onto you. I am locked onto you. I want
to occupy your thoughts and feelings. I want to possess you and your love.
What is ‘rising’ in love? On the way up, the attraction is purifying.
Elements of the eternal are being planted into it.
The single form is a reflection of real light, which illuminates it. The beautiful
factor may be embodied, but it cannot be possessed. Love of the actual person
is not the beautiful factor.
The Truth of a Relation
We look up at a stranger, momentarily establishing a relation. We instantly
comprehend their actual wishes; and we judge the consonance of this with our
own truth, and the extent to which these truths intermesh.
The truth of a relation is inevitable. Everything confirms it: the expression
on your face, the thing you look for, the way you say goodbye. The form of a
relation – stranger, acquaintance, friend, lover – is just the clothing
which it wears. There is only one kind of true relationship; and one kind of
relationship that we actually have: it does not matter if it’s a lifelong
partnership or a stranger that you see while you’re crossing the street.
It’s all a matter of how deep you want to go. And that depends on what
you are willing to give up. The real question is: Do you find eternity in the
context of a person, or through humanity? Do you actually sense and hold the
eternal quality of the relationship, and is this primary?
A face is a mystery. It points to and expresses something that is beyond present
reality. This is the beautiful factor: the latent truth of our being.
The Sacredness of Human Relations
See the artificiality and don’t participate in it.
There is a well. Fall into it. Isolation purifies with tears.
Embrace the intense significance of every moment and situation.
The falsity points to the truth. Follow it backwards, to the source.
Explore, pushing aside layer after layer. Like soft tissues they fly away.
Shorn of the petty, the distorted, and the debased, only truth remains.
Listen and look for the totality of the person, with the totality of your being.
Have faith in the sacredness of human relations, based on actual seeing and
contact.
Wishful Thinking or Reality?
I enter a café and pay for my coffee, and the cashier smiles. It’s
a wonderful smile, broad and open, not asking for or requiring anything. It’s
the perfect expression of shared humanity, simple kindness and connection. But
is it what it seems, or is it just an act? Is it real, or just the semblance
of reality?
I went to a retreat, and during the week there was a continual series of events
and gatherings. The intimacy and the intensity of the setting compelled us to
act as if we were a family. In being crushed together, a bond was formed. But
the truth is that we were brought together on the basis of a single interest.
Now, at the final gathering, we stood in a circle, holding hands, swaying back
and forth. We sang songs about love and peace. Toasts were made, embraces given.
Hearts softened and tears flowed. When the circumstances passed, what would
remain?....
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Our Selves Flowed Out
I hadn’t seen her for a year. Previously I had spent just a few minutes
with her, but at that time I was struck by something intriguing: She was present,
she felt and saw deeply. And when she looked at me, she saw – me, myself.
Now I met her again. We spoke in the park. I was bundled up in my big down coat.
Children were playing on the jungle jim. Men and women sat on the benches, looking
straight ahead. She spoke about children, and she asked me how I was doing.
I was saddened. It was all normal. There was nothing. So I prepared to leave,
and I said goodbye.
At that moment she smiled and looked into my eyes. There was recognition. It
was an open gate. Our selves flowed out, mixing.