Commitment

Never fail to strive to see into the heart of people and things. The inner, secret longing is the truth of the relation. Relation is multi-faceted, illimitable action, expressed with the totality and integrity of one’s being.

Our commitment is as important as the love of our life, because it is the love of our life, only not fixed on one person or one thing. It is as passionate as romance, as binding as marriage, as pure as love for a child.

Some things one should never do: satisfy one’s need at the expense of the integrity of another person. Personal interests are perfectly valid, but should never be pursued until the effects on others outer and inner state are taken into account.

Some things one should never think, if one wants to cultivate the exquisite capacity for love of humanity: desire a human being primarily as the means to satisfy a need.

BEGINNING

Establishing humility

How can we see something or someone as they are? You listen, but before they’re half through speaking, you latch on to the experience you had, to the belief you have, impatiently waiting for your turn. You may passionately act, not knowing the origin of your desire, belief, and will. You may be blindingly devoted to a cause, not seeing your own arrogance and the confined scope of your interests. If your mind is already fixed, you see everything through the prism of predetermined motives and judgments.

How can one escape this self-orbit, of ignorance, isolation, and arrogance? There are natural and there are artificial remedies, but any response is not likely to be easy or comfortable. It must throw into question all the certainties of one’s life: hobbies, occupation, even one’s own happiness. One’s very identity is at stake, and the challenge to it involves sacrifice, retreat, purification, self-suffering, and solitude.

Seeing beyond yourself

There is a reality beyond ourselves. When the egotistic self calms and slows sufficiently, outlines of cosmos – the real world – become visible.

“The explorer, obtaining the first glimpse of an unknown island, cannot believe that all the beauty and grandeur he encountered had never been seen, never thought of, never appreciated, until he arrived.” Man Is Not Alone, Abraham Heschel, 125

Find presuppositions

Our preconceptions about everything around us make it impossible to see things as they are. Whether it’s views of people, of politics, or anything else that we have an interest in and judge, as long as our views are skewed by concern about how these contribute to our own happiness, we cannot take a single redeeming step.

“When we are in love with someone, we are prepared to tell ourselves lies about the other person in order to preserve the ‘good feelings.’ In our heart of hearts we may know that the person we adore is a liar, or an alcoholic. But to confront the truth carries consequences we are not prepared to face.” Street Reclaiming, Engwicht, 158

See past circumstances

Our circumstances appear fixed, but they are accidental and continually changing, and do not express the core truths of our identity. Age, race, gender, nationality, language, culture, history: all the qualities by which we judge

We exist in a landscape of ravines and cliffs. Beyond this is a level and unobstructed field. It’s a place of freedom, resources, and opportunity. The self expands. Here we can actually see each other, as we are.

UNDERSTANDING

Seeing the core

It’s a rare and beautiful gift to see another. As they express themselves wait, look, and listen. Your own way stops, and it’s possible to perceive what is actually being expressed, and what is actually there. Unblinded by dogma and fancies, you see the human. When you finally respond, it will be to the whole person: who they really are, inside.

See what is missing

A person is not just who they are at the moment. We all contain a mystery that has been suppressed. Can we find what is missing, and what could make one thrive? This is the real truth of another.

ACTION

Binding of fates

The self deepens, expands, and becomes a greater vessel that can hold the other. It is not a greater self, a larger ego that replaces the previous one. It is a new self, which operates on the basis of truth and love, not need.

This is not a ‘golden rule,’ in which you do to others what you hope they do to you, which is a formulation based ultimately on self-interest.

Concern for what is best

The binding of fates is more than a widened self-interest, because it is not just the other’s needs that are relevant. It’s good to know what these are; but what lurks in the heart is not just a matter of desire. A person may not know the secret of their own desire – we may wish for things that are useless or destructive. Caring commitment is for the total well-being, with what can improve and elevate, with the highest and best possible: beauty, truth, sanctity.

Care is not mainly to perceived or felt needs—it’s more than widened self-interest. It’s seeks what is deepest, best, and sacred in others. It aims for holiness, truth, beauty. It seeks the health, deep and abiding health.



Hold the eternal quality

Do you actually sense and hold the eternal quality of the relationship, and is this primary?
And we join in reciprocal action to reformulate society on this basis.

MORE COMMITMENTS

Breadth of concern

Durability

Refusal to enable harmful behavior