Can deep relationships occur by chance only? Or is it possible to learn how to be less superficial, to become capable of real depth, and to design places where relationships of this kind occur?

We want to learn about how love in society is possible, and to take our first steps towards having deep relationships, personally, locally, and globally. And we want to make a commitment, and join together, to do this.

We are given the gift of life, but how alive are we? In the society we inhabit materialism is the ruling principle. A dull glaze blurs our vision and degrades our relationships. What kind of association or spiritual community could make fiery, star-struck eyes, personal relationships that originate in a sense of the sacred, and viable actions and programs that express these relationships in society?

commitment

We want to make a commitment to develop our capacity for deep relationships, and to form them in every arena of our lives: personally, locally, and among distant (and especially poor) people.

There is no science of achieving deep relationships, but we know that it must involve a deepening of one’s whole personality, and one’s interests and expectations. Some of these qualities are explored in Elements of understanding and Elements of connection.

meetings

Meetings will occur at least once a month and at most once a week. We want to learn about and cultivate the personal qualities, state of mind, and other features that make deep relationships possible. And we want to explore ways to form these relationships, in society and especially in poor countries. Here are some possible activities that could take place at our meetings.

Study
We will explore relationship topics using the Huzanity School method, including brief readings, guided explorations, and discussions. Topics we may explore include: I-thou relationships, What is love? What is friendship? Spiritual community, Compassion, Forgiveness, and Non-violence

Open forums
There should be a place at our gatherings for participants to share their insights, experiences, and topics they want to explore.

Seeking truth
“It is comparatively easy to preach joy and fervor, but to demand Truth is like shaping marble without tools. Test and trial are needed, and one has to ascertain through introspection whether one’s beliefs are genuine or not, and whether one acts one’s Truth or lived a life of pretense....Truth can be reached only by way of the utmost freedom. Such freedom means not to give in to any outside pressures, not to conform, not to please oneself or anyone else. Paraphrase from A Passion for Truth, Abraham Heschel.

Challenge to identity
Seeing our limitations and biases is difficult. At meetings, participants point out instances of narrowness (and depth), by pointing to or lifting a toy animal that represents one of these flaws. Examples: conformity (ant), passivity (ox), timidity (sparrow), aggression (leapord), ruthless self-interest (shark), hidden self-interest (wolf), skin-deep beauty (ostrich), glory (lion). The pure heart (lamb), innocence (dove), self-sacrifice (goat), obedience to the higher (falcon), courage (hawk).

Discerning understanding
A form of active meditation which helps one to perceive the core truth of objects, events, and people. It involves active exploration from every possible perspective. The goal is to see a thing completely, in all of its aspects; to see through circumstances, uncovering the universal qualities. We can see a person or thing truly. We can look right into its heart, and rest there.

Empathy circles
A wonderful way to actively listen to, find out about, and get to the heart of other’s true needs, this is a method developed by the organization Non-Violent Communication (NVC). We may want to include elements of Co-Counseling.
“NVC is a process that strengthens our ability to inspire compassion from others and respond compassionately to others and ourselves. NVC guides us to reframe how we express ourselves and how we hear others by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.”

Personal challenges
Each week a community member makes a challenge: something to stimulate participants to respond in unaccustomed or revealing ways, and testing their presuppositions, motives, and actions. At the subsequent meeting, experiences are discussed. Challengers rotate, ensuring that everyone participates. Here are some possible challenges:
Find the essential element in something (or someone) unexpected, unlikely, or unpleasant. Not saying ‘I,’ ‘me,’ or ‘mine.’
Cultural non-participation: newspapers, magazines, radios, movies, internet—until the next meeting. A period of solitude: ‘silence fasting.’